Have you ever paused mid scroll and asked, how did I end up here, do small broken promises pile into a verdict about who you are, does your own voice turn on you when the day gets quiet. A few years ago that was me, I woke and reached for my phone and disappeared for hours, I could not finish a page, I numbed the edges with alcohol, I felt empty. Only later did I learn the pattern had a name, learned helplessness, and that the way back has a name too, post traumatic growth. This letter is a mirror and a map, questions to help you notice what is happening, pieces of my story to show how gentle agency and small steps can begin the return.

Learned helplessness

A few years ago I was in the abyss. I could not read a page without drifting, I ended most nights beating myself up for breaking small promises, I felt empty. When everything collapsed, I spent three months waking up and scrolling for hours, I used alcohol to blunt the edge, six days out of seven I sat in sorrow. It was chaos, and only later did I understand why.

I learned I had slid into what psychology calls learned helplessness. Repeated negative events convince you that action is useless, you stop trying even when conditions change. It felt like being stripped of everything that made me me, achievement, purpose, relationships, even the desire to enjoy simple things. Without those, well being drained away. If you have been there, I have been there too. This is a letter to my past self, to friends in Hong Kong living through heavy seasons, and to anyone who recognizes these feelings on any level.

The mind’s default loop

“We spend about one-third to one-half of our waking lives not in the present moment, but in a state of mental “wandering” where our consciousness is transported to past events or imagined future scenarios.” – Dr Ethan Kross

Part of what kept me stuck was not understanding how the mind moves day to day. We spend a surprising amount of time lost in thought, not here, not now. One mishap becomes a verdict in seconds. I forgot my keys becomes I am careless, becomes I am useless, becomes I have no future. Knowing this pattern is common did not cure me, it removed some shame. It gave me a place to begin, notice the spiral, name it, come back.

Flip it upside down

Language helped, action mattered more. A turning point came when a mentor asked us to draw a simple life graph. The x axis was age from zero to today, the y axis was highs and lows. We plotted heartbreaks, wins, losses, and turning points. Then he flipped the paper upside down, lows now on top, and said, your lows are your superpower. Not because suffering is good, because what you learned there is uniquely yours. The way you found a path through is a capability you can teach, a strength you can bring to others.

That moment changed how I held my past. My worst season stopped being a stain to hide, it became a vault of insight. Shame softened, agency returned. I could honor what happened, and I could use it to build something better.

Your mishaps are your superpower

Positive psychology uses the term post-traumatic growth for the positive changes that can emerge after struggle. Trauma is not positive, growth does not erase pain, many people still describe new strengths alongside grief. Five domains often show up over time.

• Appreciation of life, deeper gratitude for ordinary days.
• Relating to others, closer, more compassionate relationships.
• New possibilities, fresh paths or missions.
• Personal strength, a sturdier sense of capability and courage.
• Spiritual or existential change, a shift toward meaning and connectedness.

For me, relating to others changed first. After months of numb scrolling and withdrawing, I started telling the truth to my friends. I said where I was, without polish. The relationships did not just resume, they deepened. Honesty became a form of strength. Over time, new possibilities followed, the work I do now grows directly from that season.

What helped on the way back

I promised to keep this humane and practical. These few levers moved everything else.

Name it kindly. When the spiral began, I labeled it, drifting, catastrophizing, old story. I took one slow breath and asked, what is the smallest next step that would help. Naming broke the spell. Breathing gave me one beat to choose. A tiny act restored agency.

Return to the body. Light, movement, and sleep changed more than any app. Morning sunlight and a short walk steadied my mood. Consistent sleep times calmed the baseline. Food and water at regular times kept the floor from dropping. When the body felt safer, the mind was less loud.

Ask for help early. Therapy, mentors, family, friends, and community mattered. I am not a clinician. If you recognize signs of depression or if you feel unsafe, please reach out to professional support in your area, if you are in immediate danger, call local emergency services.

Under these practices sat a simple design principle, agency without force. I kept one capture place for stray thoughts so my head did not have to hold everything. I worked in short, single task blocks so the next action was always clear. I shaped the environment so the kinder choice was easier, phone far from the bed, one open window on the laptop, one simple soundtrack. The goal was not perfection, the goal was making the right thing a little easier.

Your capacity is already within you

Why call this a superpower. Because the capacity to notice, to name, to make meaning, to connect, and to choose the next kind step is inside you already. You do not need a new identity before you start, you do not need to feel ready. You need one honest moment with yourself and one small action that supports the life you want to rebuild. Gentle agency gives you a handle when everything else feels slippery. It lets new truth change you. It directs energy toward healing and creation instead of rumination.

I do not wish suffering on anyone. Life brings difficulty on its own. I believe that moving through hardship can leave gifts if we are supported and if we have tools. I believe that because I have lived it.

A note for the day you need it

If today is heavy, write two lines, what was the low, what did it teach you. That lesson is already yours. If you can, tell one trusted person the truth about where you are. Go outside for five minutes and let your eyes find the farthest thing you can see. Eat something simple. Drink some water. Choose one small action you can finish and do it gently. Speak to yourself like someone you are responsible for helping.

The best is not always easy, the best is still possible. Your superpower is already within you. You are the hero of your journey, you return from the underworld with one important truth about how to live.